It’s important to keep in mind when falling in love, that everyone perceives love in different ways. Don’t be upset if your significant other does not show love the way you expected. Take it as an opportunity to communicate. Understand how you prefer to receive love and learn how your significant other expects love.
The Five Love Languages
We experience and express love in many different ways. But when our preferences aren't aligned, we become frustrated and feel undervalued. This miscommunication can commonly be the reason for arguments and even breakups. But what if we took the time to understand how we love.
According to Dr. Chapman, marriage counselor and author of The 5 Love Languages, we express love in five main categories. These languages include:
Words of Affirmation
Verbal compliments or using words to build up your significant other. You can expect to hear compliments like “That shirt looks great on you”, or have feelings explained through words like “You make me smile when we are together.”
This type of person enjoys spending time that is truly undivided. This could be shown by watching TV with a person, but a show that they want or sitting together and chatting, but with devices off and out of reach.
By receiving or giving a gift, it shows that you are thinking of that person. The gift doesn't have to be something extravagant, even buying them their favorite candy before seeing them shows you thought about them
Act of Service
Sometimes its the little things. By act of service, you may cook dinner, emptying the dishwasher, setting the table, folding the laundry. Acts of kindness, even if they are small, show that you are willing to do something for another person.
This is a lot more than just sex. Perhaps, it's a simple touch as you walk past them in a room, holding their leg while lounging on the sofa watching TV. Maybe you grab their hand when out in public. People who prefer physical touch appreciate a hug or kiss.
Understanding the languages of love helps for couples to communicate better and express their feelings to one another. It's important to learn what language of love your significant other prefers. When you are speaking two different love languages, the consequences could be devastating.
Issues of Misunderstanding Love Languages
You've heard it all before: Communication is key in any relationship. Take the time to get to know yourself, as well as your significant other when it comes to the language of love. If not, relationship may struggle with issues, such as:
- Miscommunication: The most common issue. You might feel like you have expressed your feelings openly, but your partner may not understand. This can cause a gap in the communication and added frustration.
- Misaligned expectations: Your language of love might to be give gifts or do acts of serve, however your significant other may not view that as a language of love because, to them physical touch and words of affirmation are much more important. With these misaligned expectation, it can cause friction in your relationship.
- Hurt feelings: This is the last thing you want to happen! When there is an unknown different in the love languages, you can end up hurting the other person's feelings. When feelings are hurt, relationships can be at stake. Hurt feelings can lead to break ups, gossiping, and false accusations.
We all agree, love is the greatest feeling in the world. When you are in a committed relationship, you find joy in the other persons happiness. Take the time at the start of a relationship top understand how your partner wants to be loved and do not be afraid to express how you hope to be loved. By setting these expectations, relationships can avoid the turmoil that comes with misaligned languages.
Are you ready to speak the language of love?